OCTOBER SKY

October skies, they fill with gloom,

As I replay disgraceful memories of you

The last sight of you, & what I heard you say,

How can I stop blaming myself for not letting you stay

Home, they say is where the heart is,

But home to us was where the ticking bomb lived

Loud sleepless nights, followed by red & blue lights,

Men with cuffs & badges always took him out of our sights

& how can I love him when all he caused was pain,

The laughs were temporary, yet the tears sustained

With cloudy memories, that fill my eyes

Wishing to hear your voice one last time

The thought of not remembering the way you sound,

Because the sound of your screams still stay around

They flood like Sandy did in '12,

& to think the detectives would be the ones to tell-

They tell us you're gone, & he took his & your life

But how when you last told me you loved me, & you'd get us after sunrise

Yet your sun set & my heart sank with it too

To know I'lI never get to hear you say again "I love you"

Or to put our makeup on when it was time for a party,

Watching you glam influenced me, now look what you started

I pick up these brushes, & always think of you

& I know if you were here, you'd pick them up with me too

& we'd do our makeup again together, not only to cover your bruises,

But to be the "diva" you'd always say you were & I'd always approve

& to dad I love you, but I hate that I do,

when you made the choice to end it all, it caused a quake, I wish you knew

How I feel alone, misunderstood

How I feel unheard, & disapproved

How I had to learn life again,

How I was constantly hurt by family & friends

How your little girl was manipulated & taken advantage of,

How your little girl cries to sleep, frequently poising myself with alcohol & drugs

How it feels to watch my brother, without a dad

How it feels to watch my sister at 18 turn to a "mom" of 2 really fast

How it feels in October & every other day,

Wishing you thought of us, & how it would affect our way

Way of living, being, the view on love,

You were supposed to protect me, now who can I trust

How it feels in October, a heavy chest & purple flowers we lie

On a gravestone with her name on it, as she hugs us from the sky.